powers

Been a while since I updated. Been too busy New Zealanding it up.

So what do I do for my first blog post in almost a month? Talk about my experiences in this exciting and beautiful foreign land? Describe the landscape, the people, the smells?

Fuck no, I muse about a conversation I had with my sister five minutes ago.

(Twenty years ago this conversation across the world would have been a big deal. There’s that at least.)

It boils down to this: certain super powers, if I had them, would lead me to be a hero. Flight is one. Super strength. The ability to heal others.

But there are just as many (if not more) powers that I know for a fact would accomplish nothing less than making me the biggest asshole on the face of the planet.

Foremost among these would be teleportation. Oh man. The douchery that would ensue.

I would steal shit, impress girls, maybe even banish a guy or two to the Sahara for looking at me funny. Generally be an extremely unsavory but highly enviable young man.

The universe was wise not to grant me the gift of teleportation.

I find it kind of odd that teleporters in comics and movies and such tend to be heroes and not villains (presuming teleportation is their primary power). I think that’s part of the reason why I liked X-Men: First Class so much. It featured a villainous teleporter who knew full well what a real mofo with that kind of ability is capable of.

He just looks like he'd teleport you into the air to drop you to your death. spoiler alert btw

The caveat to this is that if you could teleport everywhere, you would get FAT.

Weigh your options. Walk to the third floor, or teleport? You think you’d have willpower. But you’re wrong.

too sexy to be a real teleporter

I guess this does mean you could teleport to the gym, though. One of my more common excuses for not going to the gym on a given day is that it’s too damn cold out. That wouldn’t be an excuse for long with teleportation.

Alternatively, we could assume that teleporting burns calories. I mean, that makes at least as much sense as teleporting in the first place. So why the fuck not.

As for why I wouldn’t be as much of a dick if I had, say, super strength, it’s simply because I think it’d be a lot more likely for a douchebag with super strength to get shot at an early age. I don’t want to get shot.

There’s that.

If you reeeaally want a New Zealand photo, here it is.

Friend named Ben walking up Mount Victoria

Fuck it, here’s another.

Chimpanzees at the Wellington Zoo

Peace,
Nic